“What did you get for your birthday?”
“A water infection.”

That’s how I react to bad news, I just make a joke out of it. I’ve recently been urinating far too regularly, so this morning I went to the doctors to find out if there was something wrong. I had quite an interesting time there, so I thought I’d document it.

When they called my name out on the tannoy, I went into the room. The name on the email when I arranged the appointment said Dr. A Zilvetti, so for some reason I assumed it would be a man, but it wasn’t. It was a woman. I also noticed that on her counter she had a tray full of packets of condoms. I smiled at this and thought “Is she hoping to get lucky with one of the doctors?”

She asked what the problem was and I told her. She said it sounded like a water infection, but it could be an STI. Well, that cheered me right up. She said “Can I ask a few personal questions?” and I thought “I’m not sure about a woman asking me ‘personal’ questions when she’s got a tray of condoms in her office.” Anyway, I said she could and she asked if I had a ‘partner’ or have ever had a ‘partner’. I was a bit annoyed that she didn’t say ‘girlfriend’, but I guess they have to be careful and use generic terms so as not to offend anyone. I told her I didn’t and she said that it ruled out STIs, which is good.

She gave me a prescription, which I took to the chemist. I’ve never filled out a prescription before, so I had a bit of trouble. I had to guess my national insurance number, but I don’t think they even check it anyway. While I was waiting, they brought out a prescription for ‘Natasha’. When they called the name out, a man came up and collected it. I thought “I think we know what she’s in for.”

It was a fairly long wait and they got the prescriptions mixed up. Someone had put my prescription in the same basket as a woman’s prescription. I was a bit worried because the woman in particular worried me a bit. When she was filling out her prescription, she couldn’t remember the date, so she said “Is it the 27th of the 12th?” Now, I don’t really want to be sharing prescriptions with a woman who thinks it’s 2 days after Christmas!

Anyway, I’ve got my antibiotics now. The doctor said they’ve got to send my urine sample off to be tested and she’ll let me know if she’s given me the right antibiotics or if I need something else. Again, that’s a bit worrying that she might not have given me the right medication. I’ve never been very good at taking tablets either, but to my surprise I managed to swallow one. So at least that’s something positive that’s come out of the whole thing.