Aubergine Doyle

Today was the big day. Aubergine was finally going to big school. With his satchel over his shoulder, his tie around his ankle and a piece of chicken in his coat pocket, he was ready for whatever this new school had to throw at him. The thought of a building with arms frightened him somewhat, but then he thought of a building with arms instead and decided weapons at school would be cool. He checked his bag to make sure he had everything. Pen… Check. Ruler… Check. Matchbox… Check. Sharpener… OH NO, WHERE’S MY SHARPENER?! And then he realised that the thing he thought was a matchbox was actually a sharpener. Maybe buying that novelty sharpener was a bad idea. The teacher might think he was planning to burn the school down; a thought that would not be entirely untrue. So, he gathered his things and said goodbye to his parents, then he went outside and waited at the bus stop. He didn’t need to get the bus, as the school was only a 5 minute walk down the road, but he didn’t understand this.

As he waited, he thought about things. Lots of things. Some things that were important, like the state of the economy, and some that were not important, like the state of the economy. He thought about how birds fly and pondered over why planes don’t have to flap their wings. Maybe pigeons should be on casters he thought. Or maybe there are tiny little men inside the swallows that operate the bird’s flying mechanism. All this thinking of flying made the time just fly by, and soon the bus was here – or there, depending on where you are currently standing. He got on and put 50p in the machine. The fare was 80p, but he didn’t think it was worth that much. The driver didn’t think that Aubergine was worth much either. He was just another snotty kid on his way to another snotty school run by a snotty headteacher.

Aubergine sat down next to a window and admired the view of the girl in front of him. She had nice hair; long and brown, just how he liked it. He contemplated taking a photograph of it to add to his collection, but he thought it best not to draw attention to himself on his big day. Instead he got a pencil and paper out and drew the girl’s hair. He did two copies, with the intention of giving a sketch to the girl as a way of thanking her for unintentionally posing. He didn’t give it to her in the end though, as he wasn’t happy with how it came out. For the rest of the journey he entertained himself by sitting silently with his arms folded.

When they finally arrived at school, Aubergine hurtled himself out of the bus window. It was quicker than waiting for the others to slowly clamber off the bus. He rolled around and stood up, with all the grace of a Big Issue seller. He made his way into the school, down the corridor and into the hall. It was a big hall, about twice the size of two smaller halls. He sat down on an empty chair and waited.

7 minutes and 32 seconds later, a short, bald man strutted into the hall and stood at the front behind a podium that had the school logo badly painted on it. The man, whose name was Mr Peter Peterson, was the headteacher, which means he taught head. It was a dirty school. Here he was, ready to make a big announcement and greet his new pupils. He had just had a double-eye replacement and the bandages were finally ready to come off. So, he took the bandages off and gazed spectacularly at the mass of children.

“Ladies and Boys,” he bellowed, “I would like to welcome you all to St. Jim Primary School. Before I tell you which classes you are going to be in, I have an important announcement to make… Aubergine! Come on, get up! AUBERGINE! You’re going to be late for school!”

And as Aubergine Doyle opened his eyes, he caught a glimpse of his mother leaving his bedroom, still shouting at him to wake up and get ready for school. Today was the big day. Aubergine was finally going to big school.