My brother is allergic to nuts They make his face go big It always makes me laugh so much So this is what I did I put cashews in his shoes I put chestnuts on his chest I put pistachios Right up his nose With a slice of lemon zest Well he wasn’t happy at…

If I was still a twelve year old Life would be much sillier And also I think loving you Would not be paedophilia

I have a pet husky dog Who’s always in a rush I put him in the blender Turned it on and shouted ‘Mush!’

I call her in the morning I call her every day I call her quite a lot of things I’m not allowed to say

Whinnie the Pooh was sat on the loo, Thinking ‘Something feels funny. I’ve gone all icky, And it’s coming out sticky, I shouldn’t have eaten all that honey.