​Had a dream last night in which I was some sort of spy investigating the house of one Harley Quinn. She’d left the Joker and was now living in a big house. I climbed the wall into the garden and spotted her in the distance. She had blonde hair (like in the recent Batman and Harley Quinn film) and was gardening in nothing but an apron. There was also a big statue of a cartoonish, plump version of her.

I quickly made my way over to the house. I heard a voice above the balcony, which turned out to be a talking cat. It was reporting back to someone on a little headset – I think he too was a spy. I sent my guinea pig Charles (who I’d also brought along with me) to go and investigate the cat.

Meanwhile, I had a look around the outside of the house. The only person I saw was what looked like a homeless man in a blue sleeping bag up against the wall. I avoided him and went inside into a utility room. From there I somehow got up onto the balcony, which went all around the perimeter of the house. I could still see Harley gardening. I’m not entirely sure what my mission was, because I just seemed to wander around avoiding people.

I saw Harley had finished gardening and I needed to get down from the balcony. There was a guy sleeping on the one corner who I tried to step over, but he started to mumble, so I ditched that plan. Instead, I went to the other end of the balcony and found some long metal steps going down – like a ladder with a railing. Despite being only one storey up, the steps went down for at least three storeys. However, I climbed down them – sliding down for most of the way – and got to the bottom. I heard someone coming, so I crouched down facing the wall, hoping they would ignore me like the homeless man. They did, but then someone else came by and crouched down beside me. It was my mother and she was eating a sandwich.

I told her we needed to escape, but there was a drill sergeant doing an exercise outside, so we had to go inside the house (again, no idea why). We went inside, through a couple of rooms and then down a corridor. At the end of the corridor was a living room. There was a maid in the room cleaning the furniture. I gestured for mother to stay back and whispered not to move until I said so. We needed to get past, so when the maid wasn’t looking, we ran and hid behind a nearby sofa. Then I threw a pebble I just happened to have across the room in the opposite direction to the door we were going to. The maid wandered off to inspect the noise, so mother and I made our move and escaped.

We managed to get back outside and I heard Harley Quinn (now in normal clothes) up on the balcony above us. She had a pocket watch that was given to her by a Professor. The watch had special powers, but it was currently broken apart and wasn’t working. Harley was asking someone to fix it.

Mother and I crept around to the other side of the building and ran back to the wall, which we climbed over. Mother went off, but I said I’d stay and wait for Charles the guinea pig.

I woke up before he returned. I hope he’s okay.