I am the Riddler… or Scarecrow

I was starring in a Joel Schumacher Batman film playing Riddler opposite Poison Ivy and Catwoman. Joel asked if I had a mask and I was baffled that we were already shooting and he hadn’t thought about a mask. We looked around the set and I found a few that looked like Scarecrow’s mask, but then remembered I was playing Riddler so I asked for a domino mask.

We were filming in pitch black in a studio on a set that was just a rooftop. I could hardly see anything. In the scene, Batman had convinced Freeze to stop and got Ivy to join them, then it was my turn to be convinced. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to see anything.

After filming, the lights came on and the set was cluttered with random objects and props. I went backstage into a room with other people in. I made a bacon and cheese sandwich and it took ages to grate the cheese. A few people came up and we made a joke of it. Once it was done, I heard someone say it looked nice and they fancied one too. I thought it was Jim Carey, so I shouted over “Jim, do you want some?” But it wasn’t him and he seemed annoyed by me asking.

Later Jim came and sat by me and was trying to annoy me by touching my food. I told him to stop and then he started making faces and waving his hands by me. I grabbed his chair and pulled it back so he was tilted and I held up my knife. Joel called over to see what was going on and I said calmly “Jim’s just letting me eat, aren’t you?” He nodded and I let him go.

When we were finished and leaving, Jim and I went down a corridor. The lights suddenly went out. He ran off further down. As a joke I made a gun sound, but then he fired a real gun back at me. I managed to dodge it and shouted “Jesus Jim! I was doing a sound effect!”

We got out through a door at the end and came across someone else holding a gun. It turned out to be a prop and they were sci-fi fans on their way home from comic con.

We got a jeep somewhere and on the way back it was morning and everything looked really nicely lit by the morning sun. I remarked how “People often say the morning sun makes things look beautiful, and I know what they mean now.” There was like a glistening glow on the trees and animals we passed and it just looked very inspiring.

We got to the next place and we all sat around in a big room. I noticed on the opposite side of the room was a big glass wall with trees behind. The morning sun was coming down through and the rays split between the clouds and trees. It looked amazing, so I wanted to get a photo. I rushed over to try and capture it before it changed, but my brother Lee’s legs were in the way. I asked him to move them and he started wiggling them. I shouted at him to move his legs out of the way, but by the time he did the lighting had changed and the rays were gone. I was very pissed off and resolved not to talk to him until he apologised.

I never got to hear an apology though, as I woke up.