I was in the Beatles

I was in the Beatles with John, Paul and George – I was kind of Ringo, and acted like him a bit, but I played bass. It was a few years into the Beatles, when they were famous, and we were playing at a ballroom. There were lots of excited fans. We wanted to go on later in the afternoon, but the management made us go on. We went on and did a few numbers.

When we came off, I noticed John, George and Paul in a doorway looking sad. When I came over, Paul ran off. I said “Hey, I’m not that ugly” which made the others laugh. John asked if I regretted any of it (the game of the Beatles). And I said “The music? The fans? Making people happy? No. But… maybe how some of it happened.” He still seemed unsure, I reminded him that his music made people happy, and his lyrics touched people. That seemed to cheer him up a bit.

We went into a room with loads of instruments and I asked if we could play them, knowing it would cheer the other guys up. They said we could, so I got the Hofner bass. Paul started playing Day Tripper on guitar. I tried to play along but quickly realised the bass wasn’t plugged into an amp. By the time I realised, it was time to do the Q&A. I put my bass back, but when I turned around the others had gone on without me. On the way out I asked if they could sort me out an amp. A guy said “See that shampoo box over there? That’s where the shampoo box is.” I slow clapped, which got a laugh.

I went up on stage and did a big gesture to the crowd, shouting “Did anybody miss me?” The crowd cheered and I said “Hang on, I can’t hear you at the back” holding my hand up to my ear. They just laughed, so I sat down.