Had a long dream last night. It started off that I was on a ‘worldwide cruise’ with my family. As we were going along, I noticed what they called a medieval village. It was actually a row of houses that had been painted in bright colours. I took a photo so that I could show my friend Laura when I got home, but when I turned back I noticed she was sitting on the opposite side of the boat with her partner Shannon.

The woman on the tannoy announced that were currently sailing through a place called Paradise Springs. What she didn’t tell us was that there were several small waterfalls ahead. We went down a few and then there was a slightly bigger one. She announced that it’d take 20 seconds to go down, but then she started counting down from 50 to try and distract us. We went down the waterfall and I found it really fun.

We got quite wet going down the waterfall, so we had to get off and dry off quickly. The ‘leader’ (the man who was running the cruise) told us a method to dry our hair effectively. However, one of the guests – Richard Madeley of Richard & Judy fame – didn’t dry his hair at all. I randomly did a Michael Rooker impression (we’d seen him at comic con in real life the same day) and said “Mr. Peterson, you were instructed to dry your hair, now give me twenty boy!”

He dried his hair and said it was a good impression of “someone from a film.”

I replied, “I’m Michael Rooker, and I’m Mary Poppins y’all” quoting a line he said in Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

Once we were dried off, I ended up in a class with the leader. He said it was his anniversary, so we all had to dance to a song that he guaranteed we’d never heard of. He put it on and it was Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis. Turns out he’d put the wrong song on. To try and cover up his mistake, he started swaying with a big grin on his face. Everyone just laughed.

In the next part of the dream, I was in an office talking to a couple and their daughter, who wanted to set up a new student accommodation. I said that I could help and called in some colleagues to help me. We all split up, with two of us working with each family member. We decided that the father would deal with large groups of students, his wife would deal with smaller groups and the daughter would deal with individuals and manage the general running of the business. The father asked me if it was true that when you step on the dance floor in the corner of the office, streamers would come down from the ceiling. I confirmed it was true, he went over and started dancing and streamers did indeed come down from the ceiling.

In the next part, I had just gotten a job working in a charity shop. The woman running it said I could pick anything I wanted from the shop and keep it for free. I picked a small wind-up grandfather clock and then she asked for a donation. So, not for free after all. That’s how they get you. I had apparently given my wallet to my boss, Dave, so I said I’d go and find him, but I checked my bag first and found I had it. I gave her a handful of coins that amounted to just under one pound.

While I was paying, two men came into the shop. One of them was Shaun Wallace from the Chase. They wanted us to print a letter for them. While she dealt with the other guy, I tackled Shaun to the ground and took his phone off him. I read the letter on his phone and said we wouldn’t print it because there were loads of grammar mistakes in it.

The final part of the dream was my favourite. Mother told me she needed some donuts for when her friend came later in the week, so I went up to the local shops to get some. On my way, she called me and said not to bother because she could pick some up the next day, but I carried on anyway. I first went into the chemist by mistake. I asked for some donuts and then everyone in the chemist started chuckling and trying to stifle their laughter. I tried to work out what they were laughing about and then realised that chemists don’t sell donuts, so I left.

I went next door into the paper shop, which was more like a supermarket, with lots of random items on the shelves and displays. I found some donuts and joined the long queue. While I was waiting, I saw one of our clients from work – a man called Mark – sitting on the edge of a big wagon that was being used as part of a display for some kind of food. He was talking to a friend about the coloured background on their website. I left the queue and went to sit next to them to join in the conversation. Mark told me that they’d set up a new business called T.O.O.L., but the name didn’t stand for anything.

After a while the queue died down, so I rejoined it. As I joined the queue, a young girl with dark hair, who was also joining the queue behind me, tutted that I’d cut in. I asked the old lady in front of me to verify that I’d been in the queue before behind her, which she did, but the young girl still tutted, so I let her go in front of me. We somehow got talking and one of the things I said was that I liked the way she said the number two. I joked with her about me cutting in and letting her go first, saying that I’d heckle her and play tricks on her if she went to the cashier first.

As we got nearer to the till, she noticed some purple paint on a shelf. She picked it up and we started messing around with it- she dabbed it on my face and I painted a big V on her back. Before long, we were next. While she was keeping an eye out for which cashier became free, I swapped my donuts for something in her basket. But as she walked off, I realised it wasn’t her basket – it belonged the person behind me.

At the till, she asked the cashier – a woman called Davy who runs the shop by my house in real life – if she could put a discount on my order and have it come up as invalid. Davy agreed. The girl left and I went up to the till. I quickly paid for my things (the discount error didn’t happen) and ran out of the shop to catch up with the girl.