Had a strange but fun dream last night starring the Fab Four. I played Ringo, while John, Paul and George were played by John, Paul and George respectively. There was also their road manager, Shake, from A Hard Day’s Night.

The Beatles were, as the title of this dream suggests, visiting the Queen at Buckingham palace. It didn’t look much like Buckingham Palace, but that’s what we knew it as. As they arrived, they walked up a long driveway that was cornered off with barriers. When we got to the top, someone shouted that we had to do it again so that we could get a shot of someone else. That someone else turned out to be Hunter Davis, who, as my dream’s narrator pointed out, is the author of the Beatles ‘biggest biography’. I know he did write a book about the Beatles, because I own it and it is very big, but I’m not sure if it’s the biggest.

The Beatles were taken on a tour of the palace by a young woman. Throughout the tour, all four Bealtes were cracking jokes – I use the term loosely – and laughing at each other. This is what I have managed to remember:

Woman: “Name?”
John: “John Beatle, you?”
Woman looks at me
W: “Amy?”
Ringo: “No, Ringo.”

Woman leads us into a large corridor with lots of doors

George: “Cor, look at all those doors.”
Paul: “It’s like a hotel.”
R: “I bet she gets lost on her way to bed.”
W: “The house has its own theme park, a cinema and bowling alley.”
J: “I bet she never gets bored.”
P: “She doesn’t have time, she’s always bowling.”
“W: “This is the Queen’s personal toilet. She has her own recycled toilet paper.”
George takes a photo
P: “Who wants reused toilet paper?”
R: “Hey, that’s the loo where the queen does her…”
W: “She also has her own toothpaste!”

We get to the door of the queen’s bedroom, the woman goes off to get something from the kitchen

R: “why am I in first?”
W: “Because you’re being the nicest.”
R: “I’m not y’know.”
Me and Shake switch places
R: [referring to the woman] “This boy’s a fool.”
She turns round and looks at Shake
Shake: “I’ve got the reversals.”
R: “Me too.”
Everyone laughs
G: “here, sing Paul.”
P:”I’m frightened to sing, she’ll tell me off.”