The Guest

This dream was a bit of an odd one. The dream itself was no crazier than usual, but, if memory serves, it was the first time I’ve ever woken up laughing. I started laughing in the dream and then it was like I woke myself up laughing.

The dream started off with me and Mak in town. We were walking around the Bullring ​and decided to go get some food. We went to a place that did pies and pasties, but I didn’t fancy either of those, so I said I was going to go off and get some food from somewhere nearby. In actual fact, I ditched him and went to WH Smiths. I bought a book – I forget which one – and then met up with a real life version of Selma Bouvier from The Simpsons. We were going to a party and I told her to be normal. I specifically said ‘No sides.’ By which I meant ‘Don’t say “East side” or “West side” in an attempt to sound cool.’

When we went into the party, the host told me that they’d managed to hire Derren Brown as the celebrity guest. I said to him ‘You’ve said that about a lot of people.’

When the guest came out, it was just some normal bloke dressed in casual clothes who thought they’d hired an Elvis impersonator, and he said ​’I don’t do Elvis, though I’d like to try. Can I try? [in his normal voice but a bit quicker] Thank you very much.’ Then he said, ‘Thank you. Right, my name’s Tony and I’m a driving instructor.’

At which point I woke up laughing uncontrollably. I mean, it doesn’t sound that funny written down, but the way he was so eager to do the Elvis impression and it was really bad but he just smiled and was pleased he’d got to do it. As well, they thought they’d got Derren Brown and it was just some driving instructor. Oh man, it was so funny.

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