I had a few dreams last night. There was one main dream and then a few short ‘bonus’ dreams.

The first one (the main one) started off with me and Mike on holiday. It was a seaside town and we were in a market. There was a big, long wooden hut in the middle with stalls inside and then stalls circling the wooden hut around the outside. There had been in the crime in the area and we were investigating.

We approached a woman in a fish and chip stall in the hut who was pretending to be asleep. In my notes, I’ve written “We could go 50 she gives up” but I’ve no idea what that means. Anyway, we interrogated her and she told us nothing. Whilst talking to Mike, I mentioned something had happened in the north. The woman said, “This place isn’t like other cities. If you want the north, it’s just round the corner.”

I decided I would go around to the other side of the hut to investigate and Mike mumbled to me that he would speak to some more people. Because he’d mumbled, I joked as I walked around the corner, “Hey Mike, there’s some disabled toilets here if you want them.”

On my way I passed a few stalls, but the only one I remember was one selling cushion covers. I found a stall that called itself the information point. There was a guy in a purple shirt on the desk, but he wouldn’t talk, so I leaned over and grabbed him by the lapels. I said, “Listen here Sunshine…” and had a go at him. He told me to “speak to the people on the right side of Morecambe bay who will have seen where the shipment comes in.”

There were two girls also sat on the desk. Mike (who had reappeared) and I started talking to them. This is where the dream then gets a bit weird, because Mike noticed one of the girls had a vibrator, which she showed us and started rubbing it randomly on her body to show how it worked. The younger girl sat next to her just laughed.

Mike and I left the market and invited the girls to join our investigation, which they did. As we were walking across the grass, a car came speeding into a nearby car park. Through the metal gates, we could see a man getting out of the car, so Mike and I hid behind a tree. The man – who turned out to be Max Branning from Eastenders – walked around and met us on the other side of the tree. He was eating chips and offered us some, but we declined. I asked if I could borrow the car and he said I could. I told Mike the plan was to go to Morecambe Bay with the girls and act like reporters to see what we could find.

As it happens, I didn’t find anything, because I woke up at this point, meaning the dream ended. When I went back to sleep, I had another dream.

I was in a black room. It was dark, but a few things were still visible, including a grand piano and a Disney princess (not sure which one, I think it was just a generic Disney princess) was selling a book. I sat at the piano and saw some sheet music, but it was ukulele tabs. I tried to play them on the piano, but I couldn’t, so I went over and bought the book off the princess.

The next little dream was quite similar actually. There was a guy selling a book and he had a mannequin with him. The mannequin was supposed to be animated, but it didn’t work. I bought the book off him and tried to play the ukulele along to the tabs, but I realised they were all wrong, so I just played the chords instead.

In the final bonus dream, I accidentally ordered four Dr Men figures (based off the Doctor Who themed Mr Men books) but when they came they were made of foam. I picked up the Second Doctor figure and the leg fell off. I looked in the box and saw the Alfred Hitchcock figure (no idea why one of the Doctors was Alfred Hitchcock) also had a leg broken off.

And that was it. Those were my dreams.