The Went Remote

Eddie Went lived alone. He preferred it that way. People just get in the way, he thought, and try to take control of the television remote. He was very precious with his remote control, believing it to be a source of great power in that it could simultaneously show him Star Trek and get rid of Top Gear with just a click of a button.

What Eddie completely failed to notice was that the remote was far more powerful than he could ever imagine. What he didn’t know was that it was created by a Swiss scientist some 300 years before Eddie bought it from a local discount TV remote company. The scientist, Professor Ash Minefield, had set out to design a new type of spoon, but accidentally invented the television remote control centuries before the television itself was invented. Since it had no television to control, the remote was instead able to control the elements. At a press of the blue button, the targeted object would begin to melt. Of course this was back in the old days, so it did take 4 weeks for a pen to fully melt, with the blue button being held constantly. The yellow button would control electricity, which again was in its early days, so the scientist didn’t really understand that much. The red button would, as you’d expect, burn things. The green button made a fart sound. Professor Minefield was a bit of a practical joker.

But for all this magnificent inventiveness, the remote was not used to its full potential, and when the Professor died it was simply passed on down through his family as one of his other ‘madcap inventions’ until it fell into the hands of one Jeremy Minefield, a discount electrical goods seller. Although the remote had been handed down, the instruction manual had gotten lost along the way, so when Jeremy got it, he ‘repaired’ it, leaving it only able to perform as a standard TV remote control.

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