Had a dream last night that I went up to the shops by my house to get something. On the way, a group of rough looking kids asked me if I’d ​get them some chips. I said I would. I went in and ordered them and came outside, where I was greeted by a black guy. We got chatting and started walking over to the ring (the island of park area by the shops). He revealed that he was Zooey Deschanel’s ex boyfriend and he said he knew that I liked her. I suddenly crouched down and cowered, thinking he was going to hit me. He assured me he wasn’t mad, so I got back up and we carried on walking.

He pointed out a house between the chip shop and the newsagents. It was a normal looking house, but through the window, you could see that it was decorated like an old Victorian house and it stretched very far back. We then carried on walking back towards my house and he pointed out another house where, apparently, Zooey lived. I was very surprised to learn that she lived less than a minute away from my house. The door was open, but we didn’t go inside. Instead we carried on walking and the man pointed out one more house that had nothing particularly special about it.

We then carried on walking and I got confused trying to remember what each of the three houses were. After many guesses, I eventually remembered which house was Zooey’s house. We continued walking to my house – I seemed to have forgotten about the chips – and I just kept saying I couldn’t believe Zooey lived so close to me. I was excited about seeing her around.

I will now probably look at the house when I pass it in real life and smile to myself, pretending that Zooey Deschanel lives there, even though she doesn’t… as far as I know.