About a Rockstar

Chad Baker grew up like any other child: badly. His parents were drunks and their parents were even bigger drunks. Nobody in his family had a job, apart from his sister who had a job as a paperweight but she couldn’t hold it down (wahey!). Determined not to turn out like the rest of his family, he changed his name and moved out. It was only when his bank refused to let him access his accounts that he decided to change his name back.

The only thing he was any good at was playing the guitar. Well, there was another thing he was good at but this is a family friendly story. So he took to the streets to make his name. After spending the first day making a clay sculpture of the work Chad, he started busking on street corners next to where the prostitutes stand (well, that’s family friendly out the window). He figured people would be more likely to listen if there was a half naked lady (or even half a naked lady) next to him who was offering sex. And his plan worked. People stood and listened to him and some went off with the lady for a while.

After three years of busking non-stop, he felt he needed a break to get some food and sleep. Whilst away from the street corner, he wrote his first song. The song did not have a title yet, but it was sure to be a hit. It was one of those typical acoustic love songs about a girl who went away and broke his heart. He sung his song on the street corner and everyone liked it. One man in particular who liked it was a famous agent called Perry Common. He encouraged the lad and told him “What you lack in experience, you also lack in talent.”

Two years later and Baker was writing his first album. He’d risen to fame on a show called Rise To Fame, a prime time ITV talent show that women watched while their husbands were wanting to watch car programmes. Perry Common had signed him to three record labels, each under a different name. His first album, he decided, would be about the prostitute on the street corner where he started, as she had provided him with inspiration and… other things. He wrote 271 songs about her and put out an album containing 4 of them. The album did relatively well, selling over 30,000 copies. 500 bought buy his mother as fancy coasters.

His career took a tumble when he fell down a flight of stairs. He was in hospital for 3 weeks. He was fine after the first week, but the nurses were also his fans and would not let him leave. When he eventually did escape No Hope Hospital, he quickly got back into work by starting a world wide tour of America. However, the Americans didn’t like him. On every tour, after his last song they got up and left.

But in the end it was the drugs that killed Baker’s career. The Drugs being the latest single by the new girl band Laurence & The Fax Machine, who had taken Birmingham by storm while he was in America. The new nation’s favourite did electro-folk songs and wore very little clothing.

And so it came to pass that Baker was back on the street corner playing his songs, this time unaccompanied by the prostitutes, who were just down the road where he actually used to play. Then one day a bit of luck hit him. After recovering from being knocked unconscious by an Irish pub sign, he found a piece of paper on the pavement that had writing on (the paper had writing on, not the pavement). He read the writing on the paper and soon discovered that it was lyrics to a song – complete with chords – which was entitled ‘The Comeback Song’. He quickly hurried home to his old studio/bedroom and recorded a demo of the song. He sent it to his old agent Perry Common – who had now changed his name to Jerry Common due to a lawsuit involving Perry Como – who loved the song with mild enthusiasm.

Baker recorded the song and put it out as a single. It sold 16 million within seconds. Newspapers were calling it the biggest comeback since Elvis! Other newspapers were calling it the best thing since sliced Meatloaf! One thing was certain, he was back on top.

But it wasn’t to last. Sadly, just one week later, Chad Baker released another single called ‘Swansong’. It was to be his last. Featuring over 200 guest artists, it was his way of going out quietly. The single sold just one copy, which was bought by the prostitute who used to stand by Baker as he played cover songs on the street corner.

And this was the story of Chad Baker. The 32 year old teenage prodigy who changed the face of music on a single street corner.

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