^^^ They’re my teeth ^^^

So today I had to go to the dentist to have some fillings. I chose cheese and beans. Okay, that’s it now, no more bad jokes. Contrary to popular tradition, I like going to the dentist, as there’s often chance for some good laughs, and today was no exception.

I got there on time but had to wait over 20 minutes before I was seen. They’ve cleverly removed the clock since I was last there, probably to try and trick people into thinking they’re not waiting forever and ever to be seen. While I was waiting, I noticed a Waldorf (from the Muppets) soft toy on the reception counter, along with a penguin soft toy. This made me chuckle because it looked like Waldorf had gotten rid of Statler and replaced him with a penguin. I imagined jokes about there being a ‘cold reception’. I also overheard the receptionist on the phone talking to someone. She was in a bit of a bad mood and the guy on the other end must’ve been hard of hearing cos she was talking loudly. At one point she said “What’s your name?! What’s your name?!” which sounded to me like a posh version of “Who are ya?! Who are ya?!”

Eventually the dentist’s assistant came out and called “Ben Coleman?” so I said to myself “Ooh, she’s got the same name as me.” I have to do these little jokes you understand, otherwise I get bored. I went into the dentist and she got me to sit on the dentist chair, wear some goggles (“Not really my style but okay.”) and a bib. It was less of a bib and more a piece of folded kitchen roll, but there you go.

She started with the banter. “Have you had a day off?” she asked. I was unsure what she meant I had a day off from, because last time I was there (a few months ago) she asked if I’d had a day off school. Yes, that’s right, school! I mean I know I look young, but come on! College I would’ve accepted, but not school. Although I just played along with it and said I had, and when she asked if I had much homework I said “Oh yeah, loads.”

Before she did the fillings, she said she was going to give my teeth a quick clean with the jet spray thing. This suggested that she doesn’t think I clean my teeth well enough, but I prefer to think of it that she’s not doing her job properly. I like the spray thing. We watched The Railway Man yesterday, and there’s a bit in that where the Japanese torture the POWs by almost drowning them using a hose, so it felt a bit like that. Not that I’m comparing myself to a prisoner of war or anything.

After the clean she did a ‘little injection’ of anaesthetic into my cheek. It was a local anaesthetic because the anaesthetist only lives around the corner. She said “You might feel a little prick.” and I said “I do, lying here in these glasses.” which got a laugh. I like it when I make the dentist laugh. She said the anaesthetic would ‘kick in’ after a couple of minutes. It didn’t. In fact it didn’t ‘kick in’ until I was walking home. I suddenly felt it and thought “Well it’s a bit late now!” It feels weird but tastes quite nice.

So anyway, that was my trip to the dentist. On the way out she said “Well done Ben.” which always annoys me, because she’s essentially praising me for something everybody does every day. If you saw someone putting their socks on you wouldn’t say “Oh well done, that’s marvellous, good job.” Although I might if I ever see someone putting socks on.