Ice Cream Burgers

Me, Lee, his new girlfriend Sam, Mother and Mike were all in this big HMV, a massive one like a warehouse. On the way there mother had a go at me cos I’d forgotten my phone (I’d left it on charge) but then I found it in my pocket.

We went in and I went off to look at what I wanted, but then an announcement came on the tanoy for Ben to go to reception. I knew it was me so I glided there (like a figure skater but without the skates) and when I got there mother said “It was Lee, he said he wants us to all go round together.”
I tried to explain that I didn’t want to look at the things he likes but he insisted we did it as a family. Then Sam (who looked and sounded nothing like her) told me about when they went to the Bolivia Tower and Lee tricked her into eating a bit of a 100 year old salmon that was on display there.

So we went around and the first bit was ladies clothes, so I tried to carry on but mother insisted we stay together and she looked at some corduroy berets.

Then we got to a cafe bit and there was a guy playing a lute and another guy playing a tiny mandolin. But then the mandolin guy got out a plank of wood with strings attached and started playing it like a violin with a hacksaw. It broke the string. It never cut through it, the string came off cos the masking tape that was holding it down came off.

So the lute guy tried to inspire him to play better by pointing out my ‘beautiful mother’. But as he went to play his viola (strings on wood) Miranda Hart came round the corner. Lute guy stopped him and pointed her out. Mike and I groaned. Then she started putting on a little show. A Miranda lookalike came past and Miranda shouted “Barry!” and grabbed her. Then she said “Don’t you remember? From the sketch with Gordon.” Then a Gordon Ramsay lookalike (a terrible one at that) and a footballer came round and they all started a parade, with Miranda shouting “Move! Take photos! Promote me! Move!”

Then when they left we stayed in the cafe and a woman behind us started going on about how she loved ice cream burgers – ice cream in a bun. I questioned her on it and she ordered me one. It was quite nice actually so I’m tempted to try it in real life.