I had a dream last night in which I went to Mike’s house. It was two days before my birthday – that’s not important to the dream and it’s never mentioned, but still.

We wrote a bit of a song and planned to record it. However, when I turned around he had gone missing. I told his dad and we looked around the house to try and find him. When we couldn’t locate him, we went into the garden. I checked in the shed and started singing the song we’d just written in the hope that it would attract him, but he was nowhere to be found. We waited for hours. Mike’s dad suggested I call my mother, but I said she’d just worry.

Eventually, Mike came back, but none of us questioned it, we just carried on writing this song and playing games. The next day, he went missing again. While he was gone, I saw an advert for YouTube videos on your iPhone. The guy on the ad said ‘It’s like YouTube videos, only better.’

I left Mike’s house and went to a local swimming pool. There was a woman taking the class and I forgot my trunks, so I decided to just carry on in my underwear. I got int the water and we were told to ‘dive or drop’ so I dived under the water. There were lots of kids under there, but most of them looked confused. I finished all the tasks the woman set early, so I went off to other rooms in the leisure centre to do ‘other levels’ which included one where I was fighting a giant monkey with two superheroes – one of which was a small monkey.

In another room, Del Boy (from Only Fools And Horses) was selling jars of sweat. He kept trying to get Rodney to sweat by singing sad songs. Rodney said, ‘You’re not usually a feature of what makes me sweat.’