Settle down, off you go

The dream started off in a Harry Potter scene where Filch had arrested me and Mike – as a really bad version of Harry and Ron – chained us up and put us in a pit with things trying to grab us.

Somehow we must have escaped, because the next thing I knew I was at karate and we were doing ‘lightsaber work’ with real lightsabers. That was pretty cool.

I then went to school and there were no timetables, so I had no idea where to go. I paid £30 for one and then went to meet Goodwin, Mike and Jim (Mike’s brother) in the common room. I checked the timetable and it said:

12 noon – 1:50pm: Watch a film
1:50pm – 2pm: English
2pm – 3pm: Maths

This didn’t make much sense as there was only 10 minutes of English. I said, “What’s he gonna teach? ‘Settle down, off you go!'”

We went to the first lesson – which was in a hall – where we watched Fantastic Mr Fox. Jim had a toy that he was playing with and at one point Richard Wilson walked past. There was also a woman sat behind us who kept telling people that Forrest Gump was originally leaked as 2 films. Mike turned around and told her it was actually planned a 28 part series.

We then left the hall and went to the playground to play a game we called Sitcoms. We wrote a load of sitcom ideas on pieces of paper and put them in a hat. Then we all got into pairs and each picked out one to act out. I was paired with some girl and, all through our sitcom, Nelson (a friend) kept booing us.

In the end we gave up and watched Pointless on a TV. At one point Alexander Armstrong disappeared and his sidekick (not Richard Osman, just some guy) took over and kept doing a Bruce Forsyth impression.

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