Had a dream last night in which a young pornstar was staying in our house. She was sleeping in my room – but not in my bed. She was a nice looking girl, with blonde hair and not too much make up. She came into the room and started talking to me. Then she leant against the piano and started tinkling a few of the keys. Not seductively, just like she was trying it out.

I went out of the room to clean my teeth and when I came back in she was in her bed on the floor. As I was getting ready for bed, she sneezed. It was a high pitch, little whiney sneeze. I said “Bless you.”
Then she sneezed again and I said “Bless you” again.
Then she sneezed three more times quickly and I said “Don’t push it.”

Then she left to go have a wee. When she came back, I went to have a wee as well. While I was peeing, I thought I heard something behind me, so I turned around and punched the air – just in case there was a burglar behind me. There wasn’t.

When I came back, I thought she was lying in my bed, but she’d just put a load of pillows under the duvet as a joke. She laughed and then continued to read a book.

Then I woke up.

Then I went back to sleep.

In the next part of the dream, I was at my Nan and Grandad’s house with my friend, Laura. We were going on holiday together and I was packing my suitcase. I realised that I’d left something at my house, but I can’t remember what it was now. Later, while I was running a bath, Laura was talking to my nan. She was telling her that she’s leaving her job, but is still going to keep in touch with her colleague, Sam, because she walks his dog for an hour every Sunday morning and he’d given her a voucher for 20% off an Indian take away.

Then I woke up.

Then I stayed woken up.