stories
There’s Something About Dairy
It was a cold December morning on Blueberry Farm. Mary the Milkmaid sat on her milking stool and rubbed her hands together to keep warm. The wind was blowing strong – she regretted having that big curry the night before. She looked around the farm through her frosted-up glasses and sighed, for it was her…
Read MoreThe Missing L
It was a cold and wet afternoon and the howling winds echoed through the corridors of Ne’ermore Castle. Meanwhile, in Lichfield (where this story takes place) the sun was shining bright and there was not a single cloud in the sky. In one particular garden, a frog was standing, admiring a snow-frog he had just…
Read MorePeter File’s Peter File
Contrary to popular belief, the phrase ‘contrary to popular belief’ is believed to be popular among those who believe the contrary to popular beliefs. One of those uneducated free spirits is Peter File. Contrary to popular belief, he actually quite liked his name. Yes, whenever an American introduced him it sounded like they were calling…
Read MoreThe Poshmen
“Would you like that boiled or fried sir?” she asked in her pretty Irish accent. “Both.” he said, in his dull Birmingham tone. “I’m sorry,” she apologised, “Do you mean one boiled and one fried?” “No. I mean one egg boiled and fried at the same time.” he replied. Sir Ian Poshman of Sutton Coldfield…
Read MoreThe Worm Wrangler
In the distance, he heard a woman scream. That was his cue. He finished his cup of tea and, leaving the biscuits uneaten, donned his horse and mounted his stetson (may have been the other way round). He rode across to where the cry had come from, and heroically smashed through a glass window to…
Read MoreTwilly’s Glasses
It was a warm August morning. The sun was singing and the birds were shining, when inside a little house in Sunshine Village, a girl called Twilly was just waking up. “Yawn,” she yawned as she rose from her slumber. As she opened her eyes, she saw a blurry room with a fuzzy wardrobe and…
Read MoreUnwin’s Orange
On the shelf it sat for days, just being an orange. Not a care in the world and no feelings of sorrow or joy. So there it sat, in between the apple and the melon. Until one day, a man called Unwin entered the shop with a clear craving for a particular citrus fruit. As…
Read MoreWho are you?
“What do you mean, who am I?” Helen said in a ferocious tone. “You know full well who I am. I’m your mother. The woman who gave birth to you. The woman who carried you in her stomach like an ulcer for 9 months. I even slept with your father to do it, and god…
Read MoreThe Went Remote
Eddie Went lived alone. He preferred it that way. People just get in the way, he thought, and try to take control of the television remote. He was very precious with his remote control, believing it to be a source of great power in that it could simultaneously show him Star Trek and get rid…
Read MoreThe Actress
She was just an actress. He knew that, but his brain thought differently. From the first time he’d seen her character on the popular television soap opera – which he believed was a reality television programme – he was smitten. Her nasal tones and screechy laugh made him feel all giddy inside. Her lines, though…
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